The mornings are a little hectic.

With two children, there is a lot to get accomplished,

And that is not counting getting myself ready.

Sometimes it is difficult to discern joy in the storm.

And I must admit, I feel a little.. lacking.

I read blogs from other fathers who revel in this experience.

They seem so much more equipped than I to accomplish everything which needs to be done

And still maintain this calm, peaceful nougat center which I fail to find.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my children, and their smiles light up my soul in a way which was heretofore unknown.

But serenity can be a difficult thing to find in the turmoil of the morning time.

Yesterday, I arrived home with the two bundles of joy

(and by joy, I mean, one crying, one attempting to run around in circled chattering like a howler monkey).

I decided to take joy in where they were at that moment.

A diaper change, calmed down Jake, my son. India was pacified with a sippy cup of milk and a toy.

As sat on the couch, Jake in my lap, I just tried to take it all in.

He is getting to a point now where he smiles spontaneously, and coos and makes other baby sounds.

And I believe I felt this peaceful place where other parents seem to reside.

Maybe, they just don’t share their pains, frustrations and concerns on their blogs.

Like families going to church on a Sunday morning, they reserve the frustrations of the journey for inner familial circles

And only show the world the happy, joyous exteriors.

If so, this is a complete farce, and not at all who I want to be.

I drank those moments in, like a parched man at an oasis eagerly gulping them down.

Then the moments passed, the calm was shattered by a cry in the distance as India required some additional attention.

However, I will always remember those moments of calm and serenity.

Gazing down at the face of my son, as he smiled at me for no discernable reason at all My heart was full of that peace that has been so elusive.

There are the mornings with India, her on my lap drinking a sippy cup of warm milk so calm, and peaceful.

And I believe I am finally understanding finding joy, in the midst of passing and impending storms.

And I try to make these times, lessons learned.

I will never hide the storms, never attempt to seem like I have it more together than I actually do.

Because I believe this, is what we all need to hear to be supported as parents by other parents.

Something about showing ourselves, warts and all.

And this, is really what this site is all about.

Breaking down the illusion showing all the pain, and breaking down the journey.

It’s all what God is making of me.

It’s all about God, reconstructing James..


Written by James Berman

Who is James, or rather who was James and who is James becoming? This is a question that I am attempting to answer myself, and I guess I have been trying to answer for as long as I can recall. I, am Chronically Broken, and yet perfectly arranged. Does that make any sense to you? I guess what I am trying to get at is that although I am altogether similar to who I was and always have been, I am strangely dissimilar from anyone I have ever known myself to be. Much like the roads in New Orleans, the city that has become my home I am constantly under construction. And that is the reason for this site, to chronicle this rebirth, this renewal. To speak to those who are in desperate need of some renovation of all the amazing potential and possibilities.

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